Being nice to your humans means helping with everything they do: 1. If your human is fixing the toilet, DO jump in, to show how much you care. 2. If your human is changing a light bulb, DO play with the burned out one so your human chases after you saying, "No, no, that's dangerous!" This prevents your human from sticking a finger in the socket and getting a shock. 3. If your human is painting something, be SURE and sit in the paint so you can load up your tail and use it as a brush. Latex paint is nontoxic, but just in case, don't lick it off. Rub it off against a convenient wall. 4. When your human puts on a long raincoat with a belt, climb it to get a closer look at the buckle. Proper fashion is important to humans. 5. If your human is trying to get through a doorway in a hurry to answer the phone, be sure and crouch right there blocking the way. Humans should not be allowed to go from one room to another too quickly, lest they trip and fall down (probably on top of you). Besides, they can always dial *69, which not only gets their phone call back, but gives the phone company much needed money. 6. Sleep as much as possible during the day so you will be refreshed at night and can run around like crazy while the humans are trying to sleep. This is called, "entertainment". 7. Don't allow humans to eat ANYTHING unless you have sniffed it, or sat in it, first. 8. If your human is trying to type on the computer, jump on the keys to make the typing go faster. The spell checker will fix any errors. 9. NEVER let ANY human go to the bathroom alone. They could fall in the toilet and be flushed away to Madagascar. This courtesy is especially appreciated by "guests". 10. If a human INSISTS on closing any door, yowl and hurl yourself against the door as if something terrible is going on outside. Humans are very curious, they will open the door to find out what is going on. When the door is open, sit there staring blankly. 11. Help your human take a shower by batting at the shower curtain, or better, climbing it while the water is running. You may get wet when your human jumps and screams in fright (ever see "Psycho?") but it will ensure that your human gets out of the shower real quick, and thus conserves water. 12. Humans don't know how to "cat nap". Teach them this valuable skill by walking on them while they are trying to sleep. Using your front paws to put a pressure point on their spleens is usually effective. If this fails to rouse them, bite their toes. 13. Humans need to redecorate their homes frequently. Help them with this important activity by scratching and shredding items of furniture you feel need to be replaced. 14. Finally, don't complain too loudly when your human puts you on the front porch for a while until you "calm down". To Gert and Eddie Main Page