ClydeSight2.0!

presents a...

The great English monarch and friend of Clyde, Queen Elizabeth I was sitting in her palace, trying to solve a CD-ROM computer game puzzle on her Elizabethan Powerbook ("...the power to be thy best...") when Sir Walter Raleigh came rushing in.

Elizabeth and Clyde                        Sir Walter Raleigh

(Courtesy of Time Travel Clyde)

"My Lady," He puffed (for he was out of breath, probably from all that smoking), "You have a visitor."

"By Jove's Teeth!" She cursed in Elizabethan english, for Sir Walter's entrance made her make the wrong move and she got blown out of the puzzle. "I forgot to save my game and now I have to start over! Thanks a lot, Wally!"

"My apologies, madam," He replied, "But this is very important... What are you playing at anyway?"

"Obsidian. It's extraordinarily great!"

"Oh?" He peered over her shoulder. "Most excellent graphics."

"Indeed they be." She sat back and sighed. "Well, now that I'm stuck, what's this all about?"

"The great composer of French chansons, Josquin Des Prez, is here with an urgent message."

"Josquin? Isn't he from the 15th Century?"

"I believe so, your majesty."

"What's he doing here in the 16th century?"

"He got caught up in the residual effects of the Time Rings that Clyde Big Paws used when he came to help with the Spanish Armadillo caper."

"Oh yes. That was most excellent fun!" She giggled, "But, me thinks the folks on the Internet fixed all that."

"Well, some of them got the question about Elizabethan Progress all wrong, so there was that residual time effect. It's making a mess of history."

"Oh, dear. Very well, I'll see the composer. But, he really should have an appointment."

"You could appoint him Ambassador to 15th Century France." Sir Walter suggested.

"Hmmm. I'm not sure we need one. Well, send him in anyway." The Queen got up from her computer gaming table, looked back at the crashed computer and sighed, then sat royally on her throne.

Sir Walter rushed out and ushered the composer in. After the usual bowing and scraping required by court protocol, they got down to business.

"While we are very pleased to see you, composer Josquin, and we greatly admire your music, we are curious why you have chosen to visit us." The Queen said.

"My Lady, have you been checking out ClydeSight2.0! lately?" The composer asked.

"Umm, no. I got this computer game and it is so engaging, I just can't seem to stop playing."

"Well, you better take a look fast. Your cat husband is in trouble!"

"That's news? He's always getting into trouble. Read my lips: He's a cat!"

"No, really, this is serious, check it out!"

"Oh, very well." The queen muttered.

So, the Queen hooked up her long distance modem and logged on. When she got to ClydeSight2.0!, she read the urgent messages that had gone out over the Internet asking for help because Clyde had come down with kidney failure.

"You know," she mused as she read the pages describing Clyde's condition,"I told him to apply himself to his studies more diligently. If he had studied harder, he wouldn't be failing!"

"Well, we can't allow this to continue." The composer replied. "All of history depends on Clyde to mess things up. If he dies, who else will do it?"

"I thought we were doing a pretty good job of it on our own." Remarked Sir Walter offhandedly.

"Watch thy tongue! Thou shouldst not be impertinent," Barked the Queen. "especially in court, or I'll fine you for contempt! I can do that, you know."

Sir Walter bowed in submission and fell silent.

"You do see our problem?" Asked Josquin, eyeing the chastised courtier.

"Indeed. But many friends have sent their love and support to Clyde, and you can see that all the angels and spirits are helping him, thanks to their prayers. Isn't that enough?"

"Yes, it is a great help, and Clyde is ever so grateful to his fans. But we historical characters all have ties to Clyde and have an obligation to help too. In any way we can, whether we be a brilliant composer, a great explorer, a magnificent monarch..."

"Josquin," The Queen sighted, "What is thy point in all this?"

"He needs a reason to live." The composer responded.

"Oh, yes, of course. What do you have in mind?"

"Well, I've been listening to his Concert at CLAW, and his wonderful mewsic seems to be very important to him..."

"As it is to all of us..." She started humming.

"...and what we need to do is send him some music to MIDIfy that will challenge him. Something that will take his mind off his ailment. You know, 'Out of mind, out of...', er, something like that. Your English language is very confusing."

"Why, that's a splendid idea!" She clapped her hands. Servants, misunderstanding, came rushing in to attend to her. She applauded them too and then sent them away.

"I have a very lovely chanson, the theme of which fits the occassion. It's written in mensural notation which has neither measures nor bar lines. Even better, it's written entirely in polyphony and I cross-voiced the whole thing. He's sure to get totally screwed up!" The composer giggled.

"Not to mention his computer. His MIDI sequencer already has bugs in it. Wait until he tries to get it to MIDIfy polyphony! Can you spell, CRASH!" Laughed Sir Walter.

They all looked at each other, thinking of the trick, and then roared with laughter.

"You know, Clyde can never let a problem go. This is JUST the thing to help him, and it's a cute trick too! Tell us your plan." The Queen squealed, still snickering at the thought of this prank.

"Well, with your permission, I could borrow your Time Rings, you know the ones Clyde gave you when you were married, and just pop over to the 20th Century and plant the idea in his head to MIDIfy the chanson."

"Splendid, splendid!" The Queen agreed. "I usually don't like to take off my wedding Time Rings, but in this case, since it is an emergency, I think I can see my way to doing it. What's the chanson called?"

"Mille Regretz"

" 'A Thousand Regrets'. What a curious title. Why did you call it that?"

"I composed it after I bet on the wrong horse."

"Very understandable." The Queen nodded. She was fond of horse racing and had lost a few wagers in her time, though being Queen, it didn't happen too often. Elizabethan bookies were smart enough not to press their luck with royalty.

She took off her wedding Time Rings and gave them to the composer. In a flash of rainbow light, he wooshed away, only to return an instant later.

"Forget something?" Sir Walter asked while lighting his pipe.

"No, It's all done! I have given Clyde the chanson and he's already going crazy trying to figure it out."

"I told you his MIDI sequencer would crash." Sir Walter puffed.

And, as they read the pages of ClydeSight2.0! (which took days) they saw that the chanson was not yet posted.

Meanwhile, back in the 20th century, Clyde Big Paws was very upset and he felt really, really lousy. Not only were his kidneys all screwed up, but he was at the Vet's, a place he did not want to be, even though they were helping him. He couldn't figure out how to get the IV needle that was flooding his system with the much needed special fluid to overcome his dehydration, out of his arm. They had taped it pretty securely. Now, on top of all that, with him not feeling good, he had to figure out this impossible music.

Clyde Considers His Problems

Fortunately, his human slave, CHU, who visited him every day and whispered tales of how the Internet fans were all cheering for his recovery, was very suggestible. So Clyde pyschically transmitted his music conundrum to the slave, and then took a nap. He wasn't worried, his slave wasn't nearly as good at MIDI as he was, but would at least get most of the notes into the computer. When he got home, he could do the rest.

"Thumper", Clyde's Rainbow Angel, caught his thought and sent a love message back through the 'Net in a spiritual e-mail to the Queen. It read,

Dear Liz and other Historical Clyde Pals,

You Guys are the Greatest!

Josquin's challenge has helped tremendously. Your music is so complicated for such a little cat (an adorable one at that) that he has been thinking of it, and nothing else, except getting his IV tube out of his arm, ever since. He hasn't given the idea of crossing the Rainbow Bridge a second thought.

Before your musical challenge, he was feeling pretty low, and that Bridge was looking pretty good to him. But now, he's determined to beat your puzzle.

Thanks for your help. You have given Clyde a reason to live! By the way, Josquin, please don't be offended when he spells your name, Josquin, De Pawz. It's a cat site sort of thing.

Love and Kisses, Thumper

The threesome smiled warmly, knowing that they too had pitched in with all the great Internet folks and helped Clyde get better.

"My Lady," Sir Walter asked, "One thing puzzles me. Why didn't we just send him a computer game, like Obsidian? He'd never figure out the puzzles, and the graphics are so engaging. I'm sure he'd have stuck with it for weeks."

"You mean, be stuck on it, like I've been!" She growled. "Well, it wouldn't work." She held up a printout. "He'd have gotten a cheat sheet off the Internet like I did!. Fortunately, no one has a cheat sheet for MIDI and, have you ever tried getting through to tech support?" She grinned.

"No way!" They all screamed with laughter and rolled on the floor, which is where the acronym ROFL comes from, and then played a Pavane, which is a lovely 16th century dance.

"Mille Regretz" by Josquin Des Prez
(Fuss with the Controller to hear the mewsic.)

This mewsic is, of course, not entirely an original tune, since Josquin De Pawz wrote it so long ago. But it IS adapted for MIDI performance, including a few notational changes that Clyde figured would improve the piece. It pretty much suggests, in mewsic, the mood and atmosphere surrounding Clyde when it was discovered that his kidneys had failed. Usually, it is performed by a consort of recorders, which are a type of flute. However, Clyde made a bunch of alterations, as you will hear. He could do that because Josquin's copyright ran out a long time ago.

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