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ClydeSight2.0!
Presents...
A Time Travel Clyde Mini-Epic!
THE IDIOCY AND THE ODDITY
(with apologies to Homer, the ancient Greek
Gods and Heroes,
and lovers of great literature everywhere!)
--Part I --
The IDIOCY: A Really Epic Tail
Chapter One:
CLYDESSEUS OF HISSICA
Long ago, in the time before now, during the "Golden Age", the
ever wide world was populated by wonderful and intelligent cats. People were
around, but the cats usually ignored them (as they often do today). So, they
won't be mentioned in our little epic story.
These wonderful cats were the joy and playthings of the Olympian Gods (who
had created them). The Gods preferred them to people because cats can purr,
and the best a human can do is snore, which isn't quite the same thing.
The wise and intelligent cats had created entire kingdoms (as everyone knows,
all female cats are called Queens, even today) and engaged in commerce, trade,
cultural exchange, and the occasional conflict that occurred when one believes
in the concept of "nationalism" But mostly, they got along very
well and led happy and productive lives, when they weren't sleeping. There
were many island kingdoms and rulers, or "cat-kings"
The most famous of these was CLYDESSEUS of HISSICA
Clydesseus (whom the Romans called "Youmissedthese") was a famous
and greatly loved King Cat. He managed his island kingdom of Hissica extremely
well.
Clydesseus' cleverness was the stuff of legend, and through his highly developed
diplomatic skills, he made his island and subjects extremely prosperpuss.
The Island of Hissica was a great center of commerce, where cats came to trade
goods and ideas, and everyone went away happy because Clydesseus just loved
a happy ending.
Hissica had marketing agreements with many of the neighboring islands and hardly
ever was the prosperpuss little island attacked by an enemy, though occasionally,
a band of pirate kitties would be foolish enough to try.
Clydesseus maintained the island's security by his legendary skills with the
infamous and irresistible "puff-ball", the weapon of ultimate distraction.
Whenever an enemy attacked the island, Clydesseus would lead his loyal band
(they were all MIDI mewsicians, of course) to the sea cliffs and bat "puff-balls"
into the ocean with their paws.
The enemy, unable to resist chasing the catnip-laden toys, would rush into
the surf and be carried off in the waves, eventually winding up very wet and
very somewhere else. They never returned because, as everyone knows, even
though cats can swim, they really don't like to get wet. When they do get
wet, they have to wash themselves, which gets them even wetter, and so they
become extremely frustrated. That's why cats avoid water, they don't enjoy
frustration. (That's also why cats avoid reading software manuals. Everyone
knows how frustrating THOSE can be!)
The population of Hissica loved Clydesseus and his dear wife, Queen PENELOPUSS,
and were happy and prosperous because of their brilliant marketing strategy
with the island's main export, "Olive's Oil".
"Olive's Oil". was a remarkable natural substance that had been
developed by the very first ruler of Hissica, Queen Olive Green Eyes. It had
incredible medicinal properties and kept anyone who used it healthy and cholesterol
free. The recipe for this oil was passed down from generation to generation
within the ruling family, and thus ensured that Hissica would have a national
export product and therefore, an economy.
"Olive's Oil" was used to pack solid and flaky tuna in cans. Tuna was the second
most important export of the island, and so blessed by the Gods was Hissica that
the cats never had to go fishing. The tuna, for some reason, thought they were whales,
and so they beached themselves on the shore, where the cats simply collected them.
Local priests and mystics attributed this bizarre behavior to the influence of seaweed-green
Poseidon, the great Sea God. Of course, Poseidon came to be regarded as the island's
divine protector. But, lest they offend any of the other Olympian Gods, the Hissicans
built temples to everyone. Since there were so many Olympian Gods to deal with, this
kept the construction industry of Hissica busy and prosperpuss. Hissica had no shortage
of temples!
Market demands being what they were, "Hissican Oily Tuna" was the preferred favorite
of every island kingdom within transportation range.
The production of "Olive's Oil" was overseen by Clydesseus' wife, Queen Penelopuss.
Penelopuss was greatly admired because of her loving nature. She was always kind
and gentle, and helped the poor (of whom there were very few, due to the prospurrity
of Hissica). She often gave little cookouts for the population at the Royal Palace,
where Clydesseus and his band regaled them with wonderful MIDI compositions for entertainment.
She was a beautiful Queen, gentle, kind and loving. Her purrs were music itself.
Fights rarely broke out in Hissica, and if one did, all she had to do was appear,
and the argument would turn to admiration of her remarkable beauty. She was the perfect
compliment and companion to the great king, Clydesseus. He never tired of singing
her praises to the accompaniment of his synthesizer.
Penelopuss also had a reputation for knitting (something cats do, even today).
This skill was to come in very handy for her, much later on!
| <--To Prologue | To Table of Contents | To Next Chapter--> |
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