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ClydeSight2.0!
Presents...
A Time Travel Clyde Mini-Epic!
THE IDIOCY AND THE ODDITY
(with apologies to Homer, the ancient Greek
Gods and Heroes,
and lovers of great literature everywhere!)
MIDI Clyde Tune BONUS:
Sirens' Song
--Part II --
The ODDITY: An Epic Adventure!
Chapter Thirteen:
THE ISLAND OF CALLIOPE JANE
The intrepid band sailed for days and days, sure that soon they would come back
to their homeland. However, Poseidon had other ideas in mind. His business with Clydesseus
was unfinished. So, he created a slow, but irresistible current in the waters that
took them in an sou'easterly direction, far away from their home, towards the Island
of Calliope Jane.
When they saw the island, the Meowing Kitties mewed with joy, for they thought it
was their dear Hissica. Their joy turned to wonder when they heard the faint sound
of MIDI music wafting across the calm waters. It was very lovely, a song sequence
that repeated over and over, calling and inviting.
"Oh, Clydesseus," they asked, "what can this be?!"
"I'm not sure," Clydesseus replied," but whoever lives there has some
pretty good equipment!. We should check this out. Set course for that island!"
Even if Clydesseus had not been a master mewsician, the sound of the sirens' song
would have been too alluring to resist. Of course, it was supposed to be. Poseidon
was no fool. He still wanted to teach Clydesseus a lesson. He had a feeling Calliope
Jane might be able to help.
When the kitties arrived, they beached Roe Boat on the shore and went exploring.
This island was very strange indeed, because it was made entirely of the most beautiful
granite like marble, craggy and hard, with pillars of living stone growing right
out of the ground, and vast walls and cliffs. It appeared to be manufactured, not
something natural at all. And, as they wandered about, they again heard the sound
of music, and wondered if the hills were alive, as is often the case with the sound
of music.
The music was, of course, much louder now, and intensely beautiful. The members of
the band could hardly resist its heady draw. Without thinking, they moved through
the passage of deep marble canyons toward the interior of the island. The passage
made by the high canyon walls was narrow, long and dark, and the band looked around
in awe, yet proceeded, enticed by the sweet and powerful music.
Finally, the walls of the canyon dropped away, revealing a vast plain, or plateau
of rock, sparkling like new fallen, frozen snow. Then, in the distance, they saw
something moving towards them rapidly; something low to the ground, a type of vehicle
with a single rider. It was followed by another, and then another, until there were
so many of them speeding across the plateau that the band became fearful and wanted
to retreat. But Clydesseus, fascinated, bid them stay.
In a few moments, the noisy machines arrived with their drivers. The lead driver,
a tall, thin female, dismounted the machine and came to them. She was dressed entirely
in a tight shiny black leather body suit with a helmet. The driver removed the helmet,
revealing the smiling face of a beautiful woman, with long, blond hair blowing in
the wind. She looked like a super model or a computer rendering of one, anyway.
"Hey dudes, how's it going?" She asked politely.
The band could only stare up in awe at the fantastic being they had just met, but
Clydesseus the bold, spoke up with a loud "Meow!"
"Oh, like, you don't get it! Let me fill you in." The beautiful woman said,
crouching down to their eye level. "Cool, okay. So, like, I'm the Goddess nymph,
Calliope Jane, and these lovely lovelies (she waved her arm to include all of her
companions, who had by now arrived and disembarked from their vehicles) are my band,
The Janettes. We're MIDI musicians. MIDI Rules!" She shouted raising her fist
high.
The beautiful Calliope Jane and her Janettes
Clydesseus could certainly agree with that, and, recognizing the musicality of these
beings bowed and said:
"I am Clydesseus, King of Hissica, and these companions and I are of the great
MIDI band, Meowing Kitties. We're alternatives to musicians. We were on our way home
when we were drawn here by the beautiful and wonderful sound of your music."
"Hey, thanks dude!" Calliope Jane replied, "It's cool to get compliments!"
She nodded her head and guffawed, agreeing with herself. The Janettes, following
their leader, guffawed and nodded as well. "So, dudes, like, have you been long
on the sea? And, like, are you guys maybe, like sooo hungry?" She asked them.
Clydesseus looked around at his tired followers. A few of them mewed plaintively.
"Well, " Clydesseus told Calliope Jane, "We have been on a long journey,
and we are anxious to get home. But, perhaps we could accept your hospitality for
a little while."
"Most excellent!" Calliope Jane shouted, revving up her vehicle. "Hop
on, dude!"
Clydesseus was afraid of the machine and hesitated.
"Hey, like, don't be a scaredycat!", the Goddess advised, "It's a
snowmobile, dude. Really cool, real stable and smooth" She waved her hand in
front of her to demonstrate. "And great acceleration! Come on cat, jump on!
Here, you can sit in this little picnic basket I have conveniently afixed to the
handle bars."
Clydesseus considered, got ready to jump, wiggled his hind quarters the way cats
do before a pounce, then sprang. In an instant he was flying through the air and
landed on the soft pillow on the bottom of the picnic basket (which unfortunately,
contained no food).
"Let's RIDE!" Shouted Calliope Jane, popping on her helmet and hitting
the accelerator. Instantly, the vehicle shot forward while the Goddess cheered. The
wind whipped around the basket and vehicle, and Clydesseus, for all his bravery,
could only crouch low and peer over the edge. The machine seemed to move lightning
fast, as great distances raced beneath it. The rattle of the whining engine vibrated
the basket in a low rumble, sounding almost like purrs. Crouched as he was in the
soft lining of the basket, for a moment, Clydesseus felt like he was with his mother
again.
In mere seconds, the Goddess and her passenger had traveled miles, to a huge, plain
rectangular building that had been carved out of the granite like marble canyon wall.
It was rather simple in design, but had an air of serenity and solemnity about it.
There were pillars cut into the face of the building for relief, but over all, it
was plain in appearance. There were no windows anywhere. The only entrance was a
deep, tall, doorway surrounding two gigantic bronze doors.
"My temple, dude!" Said the Goddess as she disembarked the vehicle. "Well,
I am the Goddess of Music, after all! Come on inside." She pranced away on her
stiletto heels. Clydesseus followed cautiously, joined by his band members as the
other vehicles arrived. They wondered about the great doorway as they crossed the
threshold, and feared that perhaps, they might never get away from this place.
It was cool inside the temple, but well lit by wonderful frosted skylights
cut right through the mountain roof. The entire interior was decorated in
the fine high tech look. It was futuristic, yet modern and contemporary, and
wonderfully inviting, yet businesslike in appearance.
"Come on, Clydesseus," Calliope Jane called out, "I want to show you
my synths!" She hurried into studio 'A'
When Clydesseus entered the room, his jaw dropped in wonder. His eyes bulged in their
sockets, for never had he seen such a fantastic collection of MIDI instrumentation
in one place; keyboards, sound modules, patch boards, controllers, enormous speaker
columns; all arranged neatly in those nice black hi-tech racks that cost a fortune.
The manufacturer's names on the equipment was a list of the very finest in electronic
music production. Clydesseus crouched down in wonder at the place.
The giggling Goddess came over, rubbed his head and ears and teased, "I can
teach it to you, dude! Yeah, all this, can be yours! It's easy, just don't take the
manuals seriously 'cause, well, you know THEY can't be right!" She chortled.
Clydesseus looked at her in wonder, winning her heart with his great golden eyes.
"Yeah," she repeated, "I can show you how it all works! Of course,
it may take some time, but think of what you guys can learn here! And look, here
are a bank of MAC G4s, fastest personal computers in the world-- at least for now!
Yeah, being a Goddess, I get only the best! You may have noticed, my temple has no
Windows...Windows, get it, no Windows?? Ha ha ha, giggle, snort". The Goddess
amused herself.
The Meowing Kitties huddled around Clyde in the center of the great studio, and one
by one, they rolled over on their backs, showing their submission and acceptance.
"I knew you just couldn't resist!" Calliope Jane giggled.
The Janettes came in carrying trays of delicious pâté and fresh
water, just what the starving kitties needed, and stroked them as they ate,
saying things like, "It's so cool you're here." , "We love
little kitties", and the more common, "Oo is so vewwy pwetty!"
So, the kitties decided to stay.
And Calliope Jane was good as her word. She showed them everything in the studio.
Her manner and ease of grace were so friendly and natural that she made even the
most intimidating of technology seem tame and easy. Over the next few weeks the Meowing
Kitties learned as much about MIDI as any cat can.
And, to illustrate their points, Calliope Jane and her band often demonstrated with
their own wonderful music. It was very rhythmic and free, so different from the highly
structured mewsic that Clydesseus wrote. But it was delightful, and the Janettes
really liked the MIDI tunes that the Meowing Kitties played for them.
Now, as everyone knows, time flies when you are having fun, and this situation was
no exception. None of the intrepid travelers realized how much time had passed. Their
hosts were so gracious and polite, their instruction so interesting, and their instruments
were so much fun to play that none of them realized the passing of time.
But, the Fates did, and so did the Gods. Upon a yet another decree from the Fates,
Zeus sent Hurries to Calliope Jane.
He appeared when she was out in the hall taking a coffee break while the bands jammed
inside.
"Hey, Hurries dude, long time no see! How's business?" She greeted him.
"Good, Jane, good." The messenger replied. "But it won't be good for
you if you don't let Clydesseus go!"
"Let him go? Of course, of course! He can leave anytime he likes!" She
agreed, sipping from her cup indifferently.
"Yeah, sure. Hey, Zeus wasn't born yesterday, you know. We know you've captivated
their interest, and once you have that, they won't want to leave."
"Can I help it if I'm entertaining?" She shrugged.
"That doesn't matter. The Fates have a destiny for this
band, they are to create a wonderful
catette that will be a great treasure in the
distant future. True, your inspiration will make it possible,
but it will never happen if they remain here. You can't keep
them, or your Olympic recording contract will be dropped."
"The contract...?" She replied, turning away to put her coffee cup down
on a sparkling chromium tray, "You'd cancel, just because I got some cats?"
"No more platinum albums, babe. Think about it!" Hurries warned.
"Yeah, yeah, sure." She spun around. "Okay, Hurries, I'm cool. I got
the score. Tell Zeus, the cats are history."
"Make sure now! And make sure you set things right in the time stream, or Father
Chronos will be paying you a visit!" Hurries warned as he hurried off.
Calliope Jane burst into the studio, slamming both doors open wide. "Okay guys,
you're out of here. Come on." She marched out of the building and revved up
her snowmobile. Everyone followed her into the bright sunlight.
"What's going on?" Clydesseus demanded as she put him into her picnic basket.
"Dude, it's been a blast! But, like, it's over, okay?" She said.
"Over?"
"Yeah, you know, that's it, all she wrote, end of the line."
"But, but... why?" Clydesseus asked bewildered.
"Ah, nuts, do I have to spell it out for you?" Peeved the Goddess as she
put her helmet on. "You guys have learned all I have to teach. That's it. You
graduate! There! You get an A. An A plus! Okay?"
"But, we like it here." Mewed Akitties from his basket, "You babes
are nice."
"Yeah, well, this gig's over and you gotta split."
"Split, but where?"
"To Hissica, you dork!" She barked and engaged the machine's drive train.
It took off with a jolt.
"Hissica..? What's Hiss..." Clydesseus voice trailed off. He realized,
he had forgotten his home, his Penelopuss, his by now really, really dead kitten,
Telephoneous. "What have you done!" He growled.
"Oh, don't fluff your tail at me!" The Goddess shouted over the noise of
the engine as they raced across the vast plain. "You were having such a good
time, you forgot everything, including time itself. That's all."
"How long?" Clydesseus growled.
"Uhh..well.." the Goddess was deliberately hesitating.
"How LONG!" Screamed Clydesseus.
"Seven years." Jane replied.
"Seven...WHAT!"
"Hey, dude, relax, you haven't aged, nothing here ages. That's because my music
is timeless! Of course, out there...well..."
"Do you have any idea how old Penelopuss is by now?" He stood up in the
basket, practically hissing.
"Yeah, yeah, sure. Look, we're here now, so get out."
"Huh?" Clydesseus asked, looking around. In the short time they had sped
across the marble plain, through the canyons, and were on the beach, where Roe Boat
was patiently waiting, looking like they had just left it.
The others soon arrived and reluctantly, the Meowing Kitties prepared the boat to
leave. They were all very sad because they didn't want to go, yet they knew they
couldn't stay.
"Hey, Clydesseus dude," Calliope Jane called as their little Roe Boat set
out to sea. She ran after it into the foamy surf. "Here, take this." She
gave Clydesseus a little sack filled with what looked like cat treats.
"What's this?" He asked.
"Parting gift." She giggled. "Count 'em, then count your friends back
home. You'll find one for each. They'll restore the damage I have done. But whatever
you do, don't eat them, none of you guys eat them! Got that? This stuff is for the
guests!"
"Oh, Jane, you don't have to..." Clydesseus said, his voice filled with
forgiveness. "I mean, we had such a really cool time, you have all been so nice
and generous with us..."
"Uh, yeah, well, I sort of have to.." she told him meekly. "I really
wasn't supposed to interfere with your fate, but, well, I thought your music was
cool, and, you guys can really, really purr..."
"You mean, you brought us here?" Clydesseus asked.
"Uh, no, Poseidon arranged that, but I sort of owed him a favor. See, he's like...
he's kind of my boyfriend. Oh, I don't mean like we're really serious or anything.
His wife might object, you know? Okay, yeah, we fool around and stuff... Anyway,
he sort of said that if I'd just take you guys in and teach you all a lesson, well,
I'd find a few extra goodies in the old treat basket, if you know what I mean."
"No. What do you mean?" Clydesseus replied, completely confused.
"I mean..oh nuts, okay, here it is.
Poseidon wanted you to learn a very valuable lesson and he sort of asked me to help.
Why he thinks this lesson has anything to do with music is beyond me. But you know
Poseidon, he's so...er, deep (chuckle, chortle, snort). He knew you'd lose track
of time, as do all who come here. Not sure why THAT was important to him though.
Anyway, the Fates have something else in mind, and no God can cross fate. I got the
word, I have to restore everything.
So, be a good kitty, take the treats and go, okay? Forget about me."
"Forget about you? How can I forget you, you're so wonderful! And what about
Poseidon? Won't he be mad at you?" Clydesseus asked. "I've caused enough
trouble for those around me. The Meowing Kitties are desperately homesick, my dear
Penelopuss must have suffered terrible pangs of loneliness and loss, and my kitten,
my poor baby Telephoneous... I don't want to cause any trouble for you."
"Don't sweat it. Poseidon's an old goat, but I know how to get on his good side.
I know what pleases him. I'll charm him smooth, don't you worry. Now you MUST go.
You're so adorable, I might change my mind and keep you here with us. Only I can't.
So, please, go now, while you can!" She smiled and gave Roe Boat a big push.
It shot across the water, and in an instant, the Island of Calliope Jane was but
speck on the horizon.
"Thanks for your hospitality, and your lessons and the treats. I'll never forget
you Calliope Jane!" Clydesseus screamed from the bow.
"I'll be with you always in your mewsic." A tiny echo replied, fading into
the familiar strains of the Siren's Song.
And the sea took the little boat far, far away.
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