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ClydeSight2.0!
Presents...
A Time Travel Clyde Mini-Epic!
THE IDIOCY AND THE ODDITY
(with apologies to Homer, the ancient Greek
Gods and Heroes,
and lovers of great literature everywhere!)
--Part II --
The ODDITY: An Epic Adventure!
Chapter Twenty:
THE JUDGMENT OF CLYDESSEUS
Restored as King, Clydesseus had complete command of the courtroom.
He slowly paced back and forth in front of the court. No one dared move. But
all wondered; what would he do? HissCorSunCo was clearly guilty of treason.
Everyone knew it, and only now could admit it, now that the bonds of their
tyranny were broken.
It took some time for the bailiffs to drag the representatives of HissCorSunCo
out from under the table and get them properly seated. Several of them mewed
plaintively, hoping for a mercy they had not shown to others when they were
in power.
"Your acts have not been in accordance with the Hissican way of life."
Clydesseus began in an ominously quiet tone. "You have manipulated the
market, taken ill gotten profit, and tried to bankrupt a government that was
fully functional. The law that allows the injunction against the Palace was
meant to be used only in case of an attempted governmental takeover. You misused
the law, you used it to do what it was designed to prevent, and thus committed
treason. The ancient law has a very severe penalty for this. We all, of course,
know that. I am within my rights as King to call on the court to pass sentence
upon you. You have no defense.
However, I feel it is important that everyone understand the exact nature
of your crimes, besides the obvious, and for that, I request a short recess
with our esteemed justice, Athena, to go over a few papers I found while,
as a maid, I did some cleaning up."
Athena agreed, to everyone's relief because many of the spectators needed
to use the litter box. The events had excited them very much!
"We shall take a short recess. Court will resume in one hour." Athena
announced and banged her gavel. Everyone rose as she and Clydesseus left the
room for the judge's chambers. As soon as they were gone there was murmuring
and conversation. Everyone wondered what surprise Clydesseus was about to
unfold in this already surprising trial.
An hour later, after everyone was refreshed and had seated themselves, Clydesseus
and Athena emerged from the chambers. Athena was smiling, and had a wink in
her eye. The court rose in respect, and she had them be seated and addressed
the court.
"What your King, Clydesseus, has revealed to me, the evidence he has
presented, is quite remarkable. There is no point in the defense even attempting
to argue it; this evidence is absolutely concrete. As it is a complicated
story. I will explain what happened."
Everyone oohed and awed, because cats, being curious creatures, love a good
mystery story.
"Years ago, when King Clydesseus and Queen Penelopuss were childless,
and Hissica was a prosperpuss island, there were three manufacturers of the
principal export, tuna packing oil.
The Palace produced Olive's Oil, an obviously superior product that was much
in demand.
HissCornCo produced corn oil, which was good, but lacked the zing of the olive
oil, so it only held a partial share of the market.
HissSunCo produced sunflower oil. This too was good, but it did not have the
market share the corporate officers desired.
One of the scientists at HissCornCo discovered a way to introduce catnip oil
into their product. This much improved it. But, it left a bitter aftertaste,
which as the Fates would have it, was made sweet
and enticing only by the addition of sunflower oil.
So, in several intra-office memos," she held up the papers as proof,
"the CEOs of both corporations planned a merger. The new corporation
would have a product they were sure would beat Olive's Oil in the market.
So far, the corporations were perfectly in accordance with standard economic
practice, and no laws were broken.
Unfortunately, the formula to produce the catnip oil required a great deal
of catnip, as much as the Creeps, those sole providers of the wonderful herb,
could possibly produce. But they had an agreement with the Togans to supply
them with catnip for their toys. The Togans were paying top price for the
substance in order to keep the supply flowing.
This was a problem for our two corporations because the Creeps could only
provide a limited supply of their product, at a very high price and even then,
not enough for the corporations to win a major market share in time to recover
from their costs.
And the Creeps were no fools. They knew their product was in demand, so they
upped the price as high as it could go. Both the Togans and the two corporations
suffered for that. But, it is economically sensible. The Creeps were simply
practicing capitalism and responding to market demand.
Then Penelopuss gave birth to her remarkable son. This was also a problem
for the corporations. It meant there would be an heir to the Olive's Oil empire,
which they did not want. An heir would continue the economic competition that
was already beating them in the market.
It was shortly thereafter that the little incident with Poseidon at the Palace
took place, the one where he cursed Telephoneous. And this was the opportunity
the corporations were waiting for. They needed to get Clydesseus away from
Hissica, and only a war would do that. So, they started one, or duped the
Togans into starting one. Here's how they did it.
They
sent this rather tattered letter to the Creeps," She held up the letter
as proof, "advising the Creeps to immediately boycott the Togans.
The Creeps believed this came from a business consultant, so they immediately
complied. Everyone knows how easily consultants convince corporations to do
the most idiotic things, so this should not be surprising.
The Togans were beside themselves for a solution to the boycott, as the corporations
well knew, so they sent a 'free' consultant's report to them."
Athena held up a very thick report in a nifty plastic ring binder, "In
this report, they advised them to trick the Creeps with a fake beauty pageant.
This started the Togan War, exactly what the corporations wanted. They were
bargaining that a war would ruin both islands, and the price of the catnip
would plummet. And, of course, with Clydesseus away at the war, they could
take care of things here at home.
Everyone on Hissica knows that the royal treasury had a huge stash of catnip
which the Creeps had sent to Clydesseus as a present when Telephoneous was
born. It was their way of maintaining good neighborly relations.
The
corporations realized that, with Clydesseus gone, they could challenge the
Palace, abuse the Hissican law, drive the Palace into bankruptcy and then
take the catnip. Unfortunately, by the time that happened, the catnip was
long gone, used in the construction of the Tartan Mouse that eventually ended
the Togan war.
So the corporation, now HissCorSunCo, merely had an inferior oil product,
not the wonder oil they were so close to being able to produce. Since the
Togans had moved to the Island of the Creeps after the war, and hadn't a clue
on how to harvest catnip, there was no hope of striking a deal. In fact, catnip
would not be seen anywhere for quite some time!
And, to make things worse, because Poseidon was so furious with Clydesseus,
he stopped the gift of the tuna beaching themselves. Olive's Oil could still
be sold as a cooking product rather than a packing oil, but the HissCorSunCo
product couldn't stand up to it in the market.
No matter how you look at it, without that catnip, HissCorSunCo could not
survive. It was then that they decided to economically ruin the kingdom. If
they were going down, they'd take the whole island with them. They were playing
the game of Lose-Lose, not Win-Win.
The rest, as they say, is history." Athena concluded and sat down while
everyone in the court murmured and growled.
It was bad enough what the corporation had done to them, but to realize that
this was all planned and for no good purpose, that was infuriating! An uproar
ensued, with the spectators crying "Death to the Corporation! Torture
them! Beat them with rolled up newspapers! Trim their claws too close!"
and the most horrible of all, "Take their temperatures with a rectal
thermometer!" (cats really HATE that!)
Athena banged and banged her gavel trying to restore order, but to no avail.
The place was becoming a mob scene, and the officers of the corporation trembled
for their very lives. They held their tails very close between their legs.
Then Clydesseus stood up and hissed at the entire court.
Instantly, there was silence, and everyone sat down. They respected him too
much to riot in his presence. Besides, his hiss scared them because he also
fluffed his tail!
Clydesseus waited a few moments for the calm to settle in, then spoke quietly
"My subjects. Long have you suffered under the reign of this wicked corporation,
and your outrage is understandable. I too feel a surge of anger at the revelation
of these manipulations. But, before we proceed, let us pause and reflect,
reflect on the sorrow all this has caused.
My dear wife Penelopuss has suffered the most, don't you think? She lost her
husband, she almost lost her son, she lost her kingdom.
But her heart is so great that she never lost her faith! I want you to consider
this for a moment, and listen to her as she sings her lament once more, her
song of sorrows."
Clydesseus was no fool. The court had become a mob, he needed to turn their
anger to weeping, and Penelopuss' Lament would do it. He brought a convenient
synthesizer to the front of the courtroom and sat at the keyboard. Penelopuss
jumped up and sat on top. Together, they played and sang her sad song, turning
the mood of the mob from anger to tears.
Penelopuss' Lament
(a reprise)
The boo-hooing and crying among the court went on for quite some time, but finally
subsided, and as it did, the anger of the mob dissolved.
With the court now in an emotionally manageable frame of mind, Clydesseus prepared
to pass judgment.
"You, my subjects, have called for dire penalties on these most despicable kitties."
He pointed to the officers of the corporation who were too ashamed to look up.
"By right of law, I could easily ask the court to pronounce the sentence of
torment and death. This would certainly assuage your anger. But let us consider for
a moment if this is a wise course to take.
First of all, it is very messy and bloody. That means more work for the cleaning
crew. We haven't money to pay them overtime, not yet. So let us consider them in
our decision.
Secondly, as much as these kitties were scoundrels, they are, you must admit, very
clever! It took a lot of thought to come up with such a scheme as they did, and a
great deal of determination and to some degree, considering the consequences of failure,
courage.
If we kill them, we will lose all these attributes. Our anger will be satisfied in
a orgy of blood, but not much else.
I think it is wiser to show a kind of mercy, a mercy that will work for everyone."
"HUH?" the word came from everyone at the same time. Surely, they thought,
if anyone would demand revenge, it would be the outcast King! They murmured for a
while. Clydesseus gave them time to let his words sink in, and their wonder to percolate
in their kitty brains (which is a mixed metaphor, even for Clydesseus).
"Now, I have considered this very carefully," Clydesseus continued, "and
the Hissican philosophy of Win-Win, and have come up with a solution. Hear now the
Judgment of Clydesseus." He turned to the officers of the corporation who looked
at him with hope in their eyes.
"Our sentence is not one of revenge, it is one of restitution! You will repay
everything you took, all your profits plus 12.5% interest..."
"Your Majesty", one of the HissCorSunCo executives moaned, "We will
be bankrupt if you demand this of us. Our employees will lose jobs!"
"Quite right," commented the King, "so, we'll strike a deal. We'll
float you a loan, which you will repay at 19% interest. You will immediately pay
back 25% of your debt as a retainer, and then receive monthly bills for the balance
due."
"19% on top of 12.5%..." moaned the defendants The death sentence was looking
more appealing to them. Greed can do that for you.
"You'll just have to be profitable, big time.
 |
They will teach you ethics, and wise counsel; they will teach you how to cooperate instead of compete. They will teach you how to make a poor product better and a bad product good by utilizing its finest qualities. Finally, they will teach you what, in your greed, you failed to understand. That in a free economy, all industries must be free. That includes the industry of government
And when you return, you will continue to do business, and you will compete with the Palace, in a FREE economy. You will apply all your enterprise to work as you have never worked before, no longer seeking destruction, but growth. You will diversify and multiply and interact with the Palace and all the citizens in a fair manner, and by this ALL will profit, not just you, but the Palace, the citizens and the market. There is plenty to go around, our resources are rich and vast, and our prosperity ensured as long as we have the will to work together!
Or, we can kill you.
This is the Judgment of the King. The choice is yours."
Clydesseus sat down.
The court screamed and cheered at the wisdom of the King, though they were disappointed at not getting to see something gory. They all realized that what he was instituting was a new golden age, one of prosperity and wealth (which are often the same thing) for the entire kingdom; one with no loss, unless the officers chose death, in which case, they'd get to see something gory after all.
A representative for the defendants stood and bowed. "Your majesty, most noble of rulers, we accept your judgment upon us in place of death, and will comply. We ask only that you allow us to arrange a schedule of training so that our corporation may continue to do business while we attend classes. We thank you for your wisdom, and your mercy."
"There's no mercy in it, it is merely common sense. Very well then. As I decree, so let it BE!" he shouted for all the court to hear.
The entire court cheered and applauded; they were elated.
In the noisy din of the spectators, Telephoneous asked, "But father, they must be punished! They must... suffer."
"What? Hurt them? What good would that do? Will it put food on a table, or clothes on your back? Sure, you get to see someone else suffer for a change, but of what value is that?
No, what I did ensures the future.
The purpose of justice is not revenge, it is restitution! Revenge based justice only spreads misery and suffering, because the real need is not met. The victims must receive restitution, which revenge does not provide. So, justice, in order to be truly wise, must ensure that restitution is made. And that is what this will do.
These clowns will cooperate, and we'll all be better for it. With their enormous interest rate, we can lower taxes on the citizens, and restore what should never have been threatened, the prosperity of our country. The Palace olive groves will crank into production once more, there will be jobs, markets and prosperity for all. Part of that prosperity comes from these jokers' profit. Remember, they are subject to taxation! The bigger their take, the bigger ours."
Telephoneous could only nod in agreement and wonder. Athena came down from the bench, she gave up trying to keep order, for everyone was now dancing in the aisles.
"You are truly wise, my Clydesseus." She remarked, "And have learned well from your journey. Welcome home, may your reign be rich and full." With a flash of light, the Goddess disappeared.
Through the rest of the day, the entire kingdom celebrated. When news of the return of the King reached the market, the demand for everything Hissican soared.
Hours later,
after things calmed down somewhat, Clydesseus sat on his throne with Penelopuss,
looking out to the wine-dark sea."If only my band had survived." He sighed. "I can restore order to my kingdom, but I can't restore life to my friends."
Just then, a Palace attendant came in and announced, "Your Majesty, there is a delivery for you. Can you come sign for it?"
Clydesseus sighed and left the room. Little did he know what was in store!
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