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ClydeSight2.0!
Presents...
A Time Travel Clyde Mini-Epic!
THE IDIOCY AND THE ODDITY
(with apologies to Homer, the ancient Greek
Gods and Heroes,
and lovers of great literature everywhere!)
--Part I --
The IDIOCY: A Really Epic Tail
Chapter Five:
THE TARTAN MOUSE
While the Togans continued their idiotic celebration over the exit of the Creeps,
the Creeps, who had not left at all, were very busy working with Clydesseus the clever,
on a wonderful "surprise".
They did not fully understand what Clydesseus had in store when Purrcules, in the
previous chapter, had returned from Hissica with the goods. To them it all looked
rather strange.
The stash of catnip Purrcules had brought, that they could understand. It had been
a long war, waged mostly among themselves, and some refreshment was in order. But
what they could not fathom (even though they were on the sea shore, and the sea has
plenty of fathoms), was why Purrcules had brought a large quantity of plaid blankets,
red yarn, two of the biggest buttons imaginable, some shiny brown leather, and a
great quantity of thread and some needles.
They knew that Penelopuss had a reputation for knitting and wondered if this was
perhaps her idea of a "care" basket. Family and friends often sent those
who went to war a "care" basket, but these usually contained really nice
items, like funny books, junk food that you simply could not get at the battlefield
canteen, and other niceties that soldiers in combat might be missing.
But they had plenty of kitty blankets among their provisions, and they didn't have
any clothes, so there was no need for the needle and thread, let alone the huge buttons.
After much discussion among themselves, they approached Clydesseus, who was taking
a nap after checking all the items.
Clydesseus yawned with his remarkable air of indifference, expressed some surprise
that they had not guessed his plan, and then, using one of his very many claws, drew
a diagram for them in the sand of a construction they were going to make out of the
materials.
The Creepy generals gasped in surprise once they had grasped his idea! It was remarkable!
Once they understood, they immediately went to work, tearing the blankets, sewing
seams, creating a huge bag shaped object and stuffing it with the catnip. It was
driving them crazy not to roll around in the stuff, but Clydesseus had ordered that
all the catnip, every leaf and bud, must be stuffed into the strange shape they had
made. No one dared disobey Clydesseus because he was so very clever.
By now, it had gotten so dark that most of the kitties could not make out what their
huge creation was. To them, it was a dim shadow the size of a mountain. Finally,
Clydesseus ordered the Creeps to rest while he and his loyal band put the finishing
touches on the thing.
When rosey-fingered dawn spread her hands across the sky the next morning, she illuminated
the final product of Clydesseus' imagination.
Yes,
they had created a gigantic Tartan Mouse!
The Creeps, Clydesseus and his loyal band, stepped back from the thing and admired
it mightily. It was the size of a house, although it was only a mouse, and was remarkably
light in weight because the catnip was so leafy and fluffy.
One of the Creepy generals expressed concern that the Togans might see it (it was
awfully hard to miss!), but Clydesseus assured them that he had earlier peered through
a city wall cat door and was satisfied that the Togans were fast asleep, exhausted
from all their reveling.
So, very quietly and cautiously, working together for perhaps the first time since
the silly war started, the Creeps nudged, pushed and pulled the gigantic Tartan Mouse
over to the city walls in full view of many of the cat doors.
After the Tartan Mouse was in position, the Creeps returned to their hiding place
to wait.
What happened next was the stuff of legend.
First, Clydesseus ordered all the kitties to block their noses with leaves from the
nearby palm trees. The leaves smelled of coconut, and this was very important to
Clydesseus' plan.
As golden-haired APOLLO (who was never called "goldilocks")
drove his chariot of the Sun across the morning sky, the heat caused the catnip inside
the mouse to become very aromatic. The air was heady with the intoxicating aroma,
which no one could possibly miss, unless, of course, they had palm leaves stuffed
up their noses. The scent of the coconut blocked out the scent of the catnip, which
made the Creeps and Hissicans safe from temptation.
Not so for the Togans.
They awoke rather suddenly as the breeze wafted the sweet scent into their city.
Since the Creepy boycott, they had not smelled catnip in quite a while, so this aroma
grabbed their attention.
Sniffing and whiffing with their Jacobson's Organs (all cats have them, you know),
the Togans ran for the city walls and cat doors to see what was outside.
Queen Helpmeout almost fainted in joy at the sight! There, right in front of them,
was the biggest cat toy ever invented! If her subjects could just get it inside the
city, they could steal the design and corner the market! This marketing technique
has been used through the ages ever since, and as you will see, it is a short term
solution that eventually backfires. Those who do not learn from history are condemned
to repeat it. But, since this was the very first time in history anyone ever thought
of the technique, Queen Helpmeout's mistake might be understandable.
Immediately, the Togans rushed out of the city and surrounded the Tartan Mouse. The
heat of the day, the sheer quantity of catnip and the joy of such a gigantic toy
made them completely giddy and hysterical. They nuzzled and buzzled the mouse, nipped
at the covering, rolled in the sand and batted each other in the sheer abandonment
of glee.
It was impossible for Queen Helpmeout to get any order, and it was obvious on closer
inspection that they would never be able to get the thing into the city through the
cat doors. It was just too big, delightfully so, frustratingly so. So, Queen Helpmeout
gave herself over to the joy that had captured her subjects and joined the melee
of dancing, prancing and pouncing around the delicious giant catnip mouse.
They never saw the Hissicans and Creeps sneak into the city and lock all the cat
doors behind them.
Once inside the city walls, the Creeps wanted to raise a shout of victory, but Clydesseus
hissed them to be quiet and wait. There was more in store with this trick.
It was a very hot day, something Clydesseus had counted upon, so the Togans were
hopelessly trapped in their attention to the Tartan Mouse. While they were busy,
Clydesseus and his followers carefully ran through the city, collecting every bit
of treasure they could find.
There was so much of it, that they soon realized they'd never be able to get it home!
This somewhat diminished their celebration. However, it was not a problem for Clydesseus.
As usual, he had a plan.
Finally, evening came, and with the cool breeze, the tide had turned.
By this time, the Togans had pretty much demolished the Tartan Mouse. It lay in shreds
on the beach, and catnip was everywhere. The Togans, over intoxicated by the catnip
were now developing major headaches, and the fun of the morning was beginning to
wear off with unfortunate results. They had not heeded the court philosopher's very
important warning of moderation in all things.
Worse, the tide came in.
It was a particularly high tide, and as it washed up on the shore, it not only got
the Togans very wet, it washed away all that remained of the Tartan Mouse, the shreds
of blanket, all the catnip, even the lovely red yarn tail, all except for a nicely
printed gift card, which someone brought to Queen Helpmeout as she lay moaning with
her paws on her head.
The card read simply:
S U R P R I S E !
and was signed by the Creeps, all of them (which was why there was no room on the
card for a cutsey poem or jingle).
Queen Helpmeout moaned, her head ached so, and said to her Minister of State,
"Let it be remembered. Beware of Creeps bearing gifts!"
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