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ClydeSight2.0!
Presents...
A Time Travel Clyde Mini-Epic!
THE IDIOCY AND THE ODDITY
(with apologies to Homer, the ancient Greek
Gods and Heroes,
and lovers of great literature everywhere!)
This Time Travel Clyde Epic Extraveganza
is brought to you by Symphonia
Felina and Other Mewsical Masterworks
Order your copy today!
P R O L O G U E
(Which could be sung to the theme tune from "The Beverly Hillbillies" -- but we don't recommend doing it.)
Come read a funny tail 'bout a cat named Clyde,
whose fame is known both far and wide.
He had many toes and big paws too,
his eyes were gold, not green nor blue.
(Paws, he was, Clyde Big Paws he was.)
His computer skills took him very far,
in time and space among the stars.
And folks on the Internet seem to agree,
his tails and adventures bring them glee.
(Laugh they do, Ho ho, Hoo hoo.)
So come with Clyde in his Time Travel game,
and share with him how he got his fame.
The story unfolds many ages ago,
as you'll find when through the Time Rings you go!
(Travelin' time, Ride the Rings, Alter Time.)
(We apologize for this doggerel. It is truly awful.)
How it All Began:
The Time Rings dropped Clyde off in ancient Greece (where he was greatly
loved from another one of his Time Travel adventures with Zeus and Hera) and became
friends with a very successful writer named Homer.
Homer was working on a really grand epic story all about war and adventure, complete
with gods and monsters, when he met Clyde. He was showing Clyde his work, on his
epic word processor, when he was called away from his computer terminal to settle
an argument between the Athenians and Spartans about dangling participles.
The Athenians, being an "enlightened people", felt it was okay to dangle them, as
long as you didn't do it in public. But the Spartans, being a more "disciplined"
people, felt that they should be put neatly away and not allowed to dangle, in public,
or anywhere else for that matter.
Both however, agreed that it was perfectly okay to split infinitives.
Poor Homer had to settle the dispute lest a tragic or epic war broke out. In those
days, wars often broke out over grammatical differences. The only way to settle the
dispute without conflict was through a debate, which took a lot of time to arrange
and put on in the local arena.
This left Clyde with a lot of time on his paws, and nothing to do but what cats normally
do, get into trouble. And Homer had left his epic word processor turned on. These
two ingredients are bound to spell trouble. Actually, they spell "two ingredients".
So, while Homer was away, Clyde, being curious, read the story and made a few edits
to "improve the rough spots". Then, being the very helpful kitty he is, he stood
on the SEND key, and transmitted the epic to Homer's anxiously awaiting publisher.
Well, the publisher knew better than to question anything sent by Homer, so the epic
was immediately published as it was received. No one bothered to proof read it, because
one just does not proof read the work of a great writer. They find it very insulting,
and then they might write an essay or mystery novel about it. The publisher didn't
want any bad press.
Homer was shocked when he read the finished masterpiece at a marketplace autographing
session! (He hadn't read it before that because he already knew the story and figured,
why bother?) But, it had gotten rave reviews, so Homer simply sighed and took credit
for it. Sometimes, that is how great literature comes about.
Clyde had, by this time, gone off on another adventure in time, otherwise, he might
have sued the author for the rights.
So, here, on the Internet, ClydeSight2.0! purroudly presents, complete and unabridged,
the grand and glorious fantasy adventure that Clyde helped Homer create in the Ancient
Greece of Alternative Time.
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