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ClydeSight2.0!presents...
Why Cats are Superior to Space Aliens • Clyde's Space Alien Zootopia
by Clyde Big Paws
Clyde Big Paws has spent untold hours (actually he spent a few minutes on the problem and then decided to chase a dust-bunny) studying the phenomenon of Space Aliens. The course of his studies (and the dust-bunny) took him far and wide (to the kitchen, to the bedroom) and after exhaustive cogitation (thinking), Clyde has developed, what some may call, the ultimate theory about these mysterious beings.
Clyde has examined the appearance of space aliens and cats, and has concluded that they are really one and the same, only cats are more evolved. He provides the following startling visual evidence of this amazing theory.
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The careful observer will note that this is the image of a domestic cat (with very big ears). |
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Using powerful digital imaging techniques (select and cut), Clyde removes the whiskers and ears from the cat. |
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Using highly advanced computer morphing techniques (stretch and smudge), Clyde de-evolves the cat's head to the shape it was eons ago. |
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Finally, Clyde removes the cat fur (Space Aliens don't need it because their UFOs are heated) and reveals the grey flesh beneath. |
As anyone can tell, it is obvious from this
table that cats evolved from Space Aliens. Since cats are more highly evolved than
their celestial siblings, they take no interest in them the way humans do. Humans
take interest in Space Aliens because humans are not as advanced as cats. Clyde urges
all cats to take pity on humans, they can't help being what they are.
Hypothesis Two:
Space Aliens are no fools, they know a good
thing when they see it. They know that cats are their long-lost ancestors and are
constantly visiting the earth in hopes of finding a cat shelter which will allow
them to adopt some cats. Unfortunately, they can't manage the paperwork involved
because they aren't registered citizens of any country. That's why they're called:
Space Aliens. If they were citizens of some country, they'd be called Space Citizens.
So, they fly around in their UFOs chasing humans in cars, trucks and airplanes in
hopes that one of these vehicles will contain a cat or two on the way to the Vet.
They fly around air force bases because they have somehow come to the mistaken conclusion
that cats like to run military operations. Cats are too evolved to have such interests.
They also are hoping that, for some reason, humans will put some cats into rockets
and shoot them into space. They were very disappointed when the Russians did that
with a dog. But, it gave them this misguided hope.
After years of failed attempts to adopt cats, and because Space Aliens are easily
distracted, they have begun experimenting on humans to try and figure out why cats
like to hang out with them. So far, the only thing they have discovered is
that humans don't like being poked with a needle. Neither do cats.
Clyde's exhaustive comparison of Space Alien and cat behavior proves that cats are superior. Clyde offers the following table of evidence.
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Space Aliens |
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Cats |
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Space Aliens have very big, dark eyes. |  |
Cats have very big, dark eyes and Cats can wink. Cats are superior. |
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Space Aliens like to chase trucks with their UFOs. | |
Cats like to watch Space Aliens chase trucks with their UFOs, then take a nap. Cats are superior. |
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Space Aliens are little and sometimes cute. | |
Cats are little, are always cute, and can purr. Cats are superior. |
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Space Aliens like to learn about humans by watching TV. | |
Cats ignore TV. Cats are superior. |
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Space Aliens like to capture human beings and take them on UFO rides. | |
Cats like to "adopt" humans and get them to give them food and treats. Cats are superior. |
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Space Aliens eat people. Life insurance is expensive. | |
Cats eat tuna fish. Tuna fish is cheaper than life insurance. Cats are superior. |
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Space Aliens don't really make crop circles. They just take the credit. | |
Cats make crop circles by chasing their tails in corn fields. They're indifferent to the credit. Cats are superior. |
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Governments deny the existence of Space Aliens or UFOs. | |
Governments, no matter how hard they try, can't deny the existence of cats. Cats are superior to Space Aliens. |
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Space Aliens are said to be telepathic, but no one knows what they are trying to convey. | |
Cats are notoriously psychic. They sit in front of closed doors, and humans come and open them without thinking. Cats are superior. |
There you have it, contravertable
evidence that cats clearly are superior to Space Aliens.
Once again, Clyde Science has provided unmatched objectivity
and accuracy in research to solve one of the most perplexing
problems that has faced mankind since the invention of the television
docu-drama.
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Clyde just remembered one more comparison between Space Aliens
and Cats:
Space Aliens have lethal ray guns and no sense of
humor.
Cats are virtually
defenseless.
Ummm...Clyde would like to apologize in advance to hot-tempered Space Aliens for any slight inaccuracies in his scientific inquiries.
Of Note!
Bad
to the Bone Bentley is keeping an eye out for evil space
aliens with his group, called the "Purrtectors".
Check it out to see how cats and even dogs are patrolling
the planet to keep us all safe from the threat of invasion!
Paranormal and UFO Directory - UFOseek.com is the largest paranormal and UFO directory.
...
[Follow Clyde to Clyde's Space Alien
Zootopia]
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[Clyde, Take Me Home!]
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