ClydeSight2.0!

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Time Travel Clyde

You Have Followed Clyde into History!

Father Zeus, the great sky-god, had spent the weekend roaming around earth disguised as a mortal. This was one of his favorite recreations, especially on those days when he "got lucky". Since he was a fertility god, he "got lucky" quite a lot, which infuriated his wife, Hera, Queen of the gods. Hera was sometimes called Juno, and her name often occurs in modern speech, as in the oft heard sentence, "Juno anything about mythology?". If you do, you know that Zeus and Hera, unfortunatley, had an unhappy marriage, and the mortals of earth often paid the price for their domestic disputes.

Hera and Zeus have an unfortunate little discussion.

During his little sojourn, Zeus came across an oracle who was sitting in a cloud of smoke. He wasn't surprised at this, oracles can often be found surrounded by a cloud of smoke, since it helps them get those "visions" for which they are so famous.

The oracle, in spite of the effects of the smoke, recognized the sky-father, and announced enigmatically, "Look to your wife, oh great father. She's cooking something up."

Zeus replied in a polite tone (a rare occurrence for him) "Are you sure it isn't you who's cooked?"

"No," giggled the oracle, "I'm baked." And then he laughed senselessly for twenty minutes.

All the way back to Olympus, Zeus considered the mystical encounter and finally decided to check the divine expense accounts. He figured that was about the only thing Hera could be cooking because not only did she have absolutely no interest in the culinary arts, but lately, she had been sporting some really fancy jewelry. (In actual fact, Hera was cooking up a plot against Zeus' son, Heracles (often called Hercules), but that's another story.)

He mused over the figures, unable to find a clue. Not a bill was out of order, although many of them went unpaid "Like, who's gonna collect anyway?" He mused to himself. And, as he was musing this, there was a sudden flash of light, and Clyde Big Paws, burst onto the table, slid across it, knocking all the papers onto the floor, and then sat demurly at Zeus' feet, licking his paw while copping that typical cat attitude, "I meant to do that."

Zeus (who was known for his hot temper) flew into a fury for two reasons. First, he was sometimes a fastidious god, and it took him all morning to get the papers neatly stacked, and secondly, he suddenly realized that the Greeks didn't invent paper, the Egyptians did.

He bellowed at poor Clyde, who simply ignored him, as Clyde is wont to do, and began crumbling the papers into paper balls and throwing them at the cat. Clyde thought this was a splendid game, and batted them off the edge of the divine palace, where they rained down upon the earth.

Zeus throws a paper ball at Clyde

All the people below noticed the soft, paper balls floating down on them and looked up in wonder. They had been praying for rain (since there was a terrible drought going on at the time) but they never expected this. "The gods must be crazy", they all muttered and went on about their business.

Zeus was more angry than ever, however, because now, he had lost all hope of gathering evidence with which to confront his wife. Furiously, he grabbed a thunderbolt and hurled it at Clyde. But the cat, being very smart and quick, hid under the balcony, and the bolt flew past, down to earth, where it struck an apple tree. It wasn't a very big thunderbolt (Clyde is, after all, a very small cat) and it didn't do any damage. It merely shook the tree, loosening one of the fruits, which happened to fall on the head of a sleeping philosopher. The confused man awoke, rubbed his head, looked up, then shrugged and ate the apple. Obviously, he didn't grasp the gravity of Clyde's situation.

Zeus throws a thunderbolt, which looks like a cigar.

Zeus was preparing to throw another thunderbolt at Clyde when Hera (who had been watching this from her balcony), intervened.

"Are you nuts?!" She demanded, marching imperiously into the divine office. "Look at all that paper down there. Do you want to set fire to the world? If you do that, we'll never get any tribute, and you know how much you love your tributes. Honestly, where is your common sense!" Then, spying Clyde, who was crouched under the table, purring, she asked "Where'd you get that adorable little cat?"

Clyde, an adorable little cat.

Clyde's beauty was so intense, that the goddess forgot herself and got down on the floor, coaxing, "Oh., come ere, ooo widdle pussum wussum."

Zeus (sometimes called Jupiter) sighed, rolled his eyes and went off to work a business merger with another hot temepered god, Ares (sometimes called Mars).

<--This is Zeus and This is Ares-->

However, Clyde is not a "cuddle cat", and, as the great goddess, in the most undignified manner, attempted to crawl under the table to scoop him up, he darted off, paying no attention to where he was going. But, under the table, Hera found a little horse, which she mistook for Clyde, because he had darted off so fast that he was merely a blur to her, so she picked it up and went away, content.

Hera holding a little horse (no kidding!)

In the meantime, Clyde, in his bolting, slipped on the slick, divine marble floor and slid right off Mount Olympus and into the seventh house of the nearby stellar housing development complex called "The Zodiac", where he bumped against Aquarius, who was holding an enourmous jug of water. The spectral Aquarius, who had been rifling through the morning newspaper and had finally found the horoscope page, dropped the paper and spilled all the water.

Clyde upsets Aquarius

The water fell from the heavens with such force, that it caught up Clyde, the newspaper and even Sirius, the dog star, and cast them upon the earth. The surprised mortals below looked up and declared, "Why, it's raining cats and dogs, but, my horoscope looks pretty good today."

This legendary incident was later recorded in a familiar song that was featured in the famous musical extravaganza, "Fur":

The oracle, who understood the entire affair from a "vision", told them how Clyde had saved them and caused the gods to answer their prayers, in spite of their remarkable indifference. The people were very grateful (as you can imagine, it had been very, very dry and dusty) and built a temple to honor the "Divine Clyde". They danced dances in his honor, drank lots of catnip tea, composed epic poetry, performed a couple of unrelated plays and held a week long festival which included some very special processional MUSIC! from the musical extravaganza, "Fur".

They called this music "Clyde Hymn". But then, they realized that Clyde was already a him, and they didn't want to be redundant, so they renamed the piece, "Clyde Hyrr", and that's how it got its name. If you use the controller below, you can hear this procession that occured at the opening of "Fur", complete with the now infamous "Ah-Ha Chorus". Everyone had a really good time, which is usual when Clyde is around. The catnip tea may have had something to do with it.

The ancient Greeks gods are long gone, but one of their customs has remained. Even today, when people get angry at a piece of paper, they wad it up into a paper ball and throw it away. Sometimes, a cat will chase it.