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ClydeSight2.0!
presents...
presents...
Days of Clyde's Lives
Night of the Long Knives,
Day of Final Peace
8/4/97"Pie Jesu" from the Requiem by
Gabriel FauréMonday, Day Six--The Clyde Saga,
End of the Tail
"The measure of a life is not how much one loves,
but how much one is loved by others."
It is with great regret and sadness that I must tell you of the passing of Clyde Big Paws, Feline Unit 236.8v2, who died this day at 1:10 pm est.
Last night (Sunday) Clyde began to slip in his fight against kidney failure and disease. His treatments were painful, and brought not relief, but more illness, nausea, and disorientation. How patiently he submitted himself to these awful ministrations! I want to reproach myself for this, I, the author of his added pain, who, in my ignorance, thought I was helping. I had been told that this would help him. It did not. Yet I cannot blame myself. But why do his little cries still echo in my ears?!
He had spent a quiet and peaceful day on the porch, in his favorite sleeping place, the glider, gently rocking in the cool breeze, mostly sleeping and looking blankly into the distance. Everything had seemed so very hopeful. What a difference a few hours can make when dealing with such a terrible illness!
I had tried to perk Clyde up, offering catnip and food, trying to tempt him to play with toys, telling him to fight, FIGHT! but he would only take the food weakly into his mouth and then drop it, unable even to chew.
He had stopped eating and drinking, was vomiting and was losing his strength. Several times he cried to go outside, but I would not release Clyde Door, for, in his weak and feeble state, what could have happened to him, in the wild world?
For a while, he slept in the hamper, his favorite spot for comfort, but as he grew worse, he looked into my eyes, and I knew he was begging for release from the agony he was in. My heart was breaking.
I tried to comfort him, but he cried out many times until his voice was so hoarse and he could no longer make sounds.
After a while, he struggled out of the hamper by himself, accepting no help from me, and went to the living room where he crouched low on the living room rug. His wide, but clouded eyes appealed to me for help. Yet, there was, on a Sunday night at midnight, nothing I could do but stroke him and try to comfort him, telling him how much I loved him.
Later, I carried him to the bed to sleep in his favorite spot, but he cried out at my touch, and my heart sank. I knew it was time, and I felt he was asking me to help him find release. I spoke with him and told him that I would not keep him in pain, and if he wanted to go to the Rainbow Bridge, I would help him go easily and with dignity. I asked him to give me a sign. A few moments later, he got down and went to Clyde Door and cried. I understood his answer.
For the rest of that awful night, I stayed with him and thanked him for all the joy and love he had brought to me and his many loving fans, on the Internet.
I thanked him for his sweet spirit, told him I loved him, that he had changed my life and brought it far greater richness that I could ever have imagined.
I said I would not let the suffering continue, that if the angel did not take him that night, I would find him release. I prayed for the angel to take him then, in the comfort of his home. But, her wings would not unfold.
I wept on his ears and whiskers, and had to withdraw, afraid my sorrow would add to his pain.
I prayed at the little shrine I had made for Clyde when this began, and asked the great Father/Mother for guidance. A gentle inner voice told me that a warm and loving place in the bosom of the Creator was all prepared, and the angel was waiting to bring him home. When I was willing to release him, using the means that I must, she would wrap him in her mantle of love, and together, they would gently glide over the bridge.
This morning, I called his doctor and explained the situation. He told me that the treatments were fairly aggressive because Clyde's kidneys were so far gone, and that to continue would probably not offer any relief, let alone healing, but only add to his suffering. The scarring on his kidneys was too far gone.
No longer able to avoid the inevitable, I asked the dreaded questions about the awful decision I alone could make for my dearest friend. The doctor gave me the details I needed to know, and the appointment was made.
Clyde slept until the appointed hour, and then his fairy godmother came and we took him on his final trip to the Vet.
I held Clyde as the doctor administered the injection.
He cried out once as the fluid went in, then I felt him relax, as the anesthetic took effect and merciful peace flooded his body.
He lay his head in my arms, his great eyes clouded and staring blankly, and in but a moment, he was still and silent. Even in death, he looked so alive, so alive! As if, in a moment, he'd shake himself off and be well. But, his head was now heavy and limp, the life force had gone to another place.
The angel had taken him, gently closing the chapter of his life like the shade of a window.
Clyde's tail was told.
I know that somewhere, in that wonderful place that the Creator has made for us all, he now lies contentedly in peace and happiness. His windowsill is forever sunny and warm, the gentle breeze of eternity strokes his fur and whispers forever but one word, LOVE.
And, I have asked the Creator in love and mercy, that if Clyde's sweet spirit should ever return to this realm, to send him to some poor person in need, to bring to a suffering soul, all the love and gentleness, the devotion and sweet kindness that it had been my privledge and blessing to enjoy for these seven years. I thanked Him for the gift of Clyde's life, and asked forgivness for being the author of his death.
As I promised Clyde, this website will remain on the Internet as long as the Internet and ISP's and personal webpages exist. It will remain, in cybespace, as a permanent memorial to him.
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There is a candle service held on Monday nights at 10:00 pm est, at the site: Petloss.com. Clyde's Shaman and I will be there this evening (8/4/97), and I invite all of his many friends to join hands with us in a gentle farewell.
When Clyde's ashes are returned (about four weeks...I have no idea why it takes so long), there will be a memorial service here on ClydeSight.
Clyde's mortal remains will rest in the garden, among the tall grasses he loved so much.
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I thank the many thousands of fans who have enjoyed ClydeSight for their loyalty and devotion. Your strength has been a comfort and an aid to me and Clyde during this sad and awful time. I know that, eventually, life will go on as it inevitably must. Clyde had prepared many stories and toys for his website, and it is my job to get them to you, as he would have done. In time, when the healing has begun, I will fulfill my promise to Clyde to do so.
Blessing on us all, and farwell from Clyde Big Paws, Feline Unit 236.8v2.
CHU
Clyde's Human Unit
Clyde Big Paws, Feline Unit 236.8v2
1990-1997
"May he rest in peace, and may eternal light shine upon him, oh Lord."
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